Happy Birthday, Mihaela

As I may have mentioned before, my memory is not my most reliable asset.  So when my Outlook calendar popped up a reminder that today is Mihaela's Birthday, it was as much a surprise to me as anyone else.  In my usual attention to detail, no last name or other clue accompanied the alert.  I know a few Mihaelas but no way of figuring out which one is having a birthday.  So this is the best I can do. Happy Birthday, Mihaela - wherever and whoever you are!  And if I'm still using Outlook by then, expect just as heartfelt and personal wishes next year as well!

UPDATE: Problem solved! "Mihaela" is an entry I made into my cellphone's Contacts, sans last name because I didn't know it at the time. Compounded by this is the peculiar behavior of my cellphone, wherein it automatically inserts today's date as the Birthday when you enter a Contact, and saves it as such unless you tell it not to.  All of which means that I simply entered Mihaela into my Contacts on 12 February, probably last year, and forgot to change the default date-saving silliness. From there the misinformation was sent to my Outlook calendar when I synchronized my phone to my PC.  Ain't technology grand?  And Mihaela, can you ever forgive me for playing such a cruel game with your heart?

How Often Do You Get to Say This?

Happy 100th Birthday, Dad. Raise a glass, he wouldn't have cared if he didn't know ya.

Infringe Benefits: "Copyright" is One Word, Not Two

Keeping, as I have always had, a few toes in the warm waters of advertising, I appreciate a good brand identity. Since I've lived in Bucharest, I've seen several others who apparently feel the same.  Because they seem to have no problem ripping off someone else's long-established logo and slapping it on their own venue. And the legal powers that be seem to have no problem letting this happen sans enforcement of any kind.  Let's run through a few shameless simulacra, shall we?

INES BURGER

Legend has it that Burger King, a recent arrival on the Romanian fast food scene, actually had a try of it years ago before my time here.  It failed (it may not even have been a sanctioned franchise, which, given the tendencies here, seems quite likely), and the Obor eatery remained in business under a new name, Ines Burger, complete with an astoundingly original and innovative logo.

I went only once, and while I'm not a fan of BK (at least as much as I am of McD), this wasn't even up to BK quality.  Ines apparently closed down at roughly the same time legitimate BK franchises opened up around town. Coincidence, I'm sure, but at this writing the empty establishment still stands, logo flapping in the breeze.

RISTORANTE SOPRANO

I've only driven past this eatery on Pache Protopopescu (say THAT 3 times fast!) but I'm impressed how a touch of graphics warping in Powerpoint or maybe (a bootleg of) Photoshop is enough to create an "original" logo:

Wow, a gun in place of the "r!" How cool is that?!? Nobody else has thought of that before, certainly not at like HBO or anything.  Jeez, not even the font has been changed. Just squashed a bit in the middle is all. And accounting for exposure in the photo, I'd wager not even the COLOR has been altered.

EL TORITO

I feel a little guilty here because I like this place, but crime is crime. Once upon a time Bucharest had an awesome Mexican restaurant named Amigos.  Then there was a management dispute, then some of the owners broke away to start another Mexican restaurant. It's only semi-awesome now but still quite good.  What's most awesome of all is their new name and logo, which, of course, is only by the sheerest of coincidences reminiscent of the well-known Stateside chain of the same name and logo. Go for the margaritas, stay for the litigation.

COYOTE CAFE

As a US expat, I've met my share of fellow countrymen who have come to Romania in search of the quick exploitive buck and who don't mind taking a few shortcuts to get there.  This popular rock and roll club is one such example, as I know the owner well enough to suspect that he would never been this successful in any country where he might have had to actually work for it. When this club was in the planning stage, I asked what he planned to name it. 

He said "Coyote Ugly," clearly attempting to cash in on the popular film of the same name. I pointed out the obvious copyright problems with that and the shrug I got in reply could have choked a horse.  But apparently some of my concern was taken to heart... only some.  The name was slightly changed, but the titular mascot is none other than the roadrunner-fixated Warner Bros. cartoon character, Wile E.  If the likeness was even considered for being licensed for this venue, I'll go out and buy a hat, and then eat it.

VOX NEWS

Has EU membership softened this craze and compelled Romania to start maybe policing this egregious trend just a little? Nope, not a single bit. In fact, it's getting worse.  The latest example is no less than a new nationwide television station called Vox News. While they maintain the name is derived from "Vox Populi," any Statesider (at the very least) will instantly hear the derivation from Rupert Murdoch's self-proclaimed "most powerful name in news."

If the virtually-identical-sounding names don't clue you in, how about the absolutely-identical matching letters and colors? This goes beyond a one-off club or eatery, it's a national TV network for crying out loud.  And everyone's okay with this?  Granted, on a personal note, I'd probably just as soon see the actual self-serving ultra-right-wing-biased Fox take a nosedive as much as any cheap Romanian knock-off, but we're talking principle here.  Wonder how long until Vox trots out a Bogdan O'Reilly or Ann Coulterescu...

There are endless more smallish examples to be found in and out of Bucharest, mostly mom and/or pop kiosks who download a Disney character from the Internet and paste their SRL name over it.  But I'm talking about the heavy hitters, who clearly depend on flouting copyright law to establish their identity.  You can talk about oriental Gucci knockoffs, but for some of Balkan's Bogus Best, you need only look up or down the street... or hell, now just turn on your TV.

From the Vault: Airport Taxis

Ken H. Posted Jul 2, 2008 4:06 PM
Post #: 146

Airport taxis are a great source of entertainment when properly used. Not that I'm complaining at all, but since I'm (so far) blissfully free of telemarketers in his country, I sometimes long for obnoxious but harmless aggressive solicitors of legally-dubious services on whom to take out my frustration. I specify "harmless," because two species who would otherwise fall into the category, i.e. hookers and stoplight windshield washers, can indeed be provoked to to the point of violence. Pirate cabbies seem to be a calmer lot, perhaps because their business success depends on making as little of an impression on you as possible. They would rather you not remember their faces for possible future identification, so unlike the beggars, washers and other solicitors about town, they don't waste time with you once you say "no," instead moving quickly onto the next victim.

This means that you can derive a kind of satisfying enjoyment by insulting their intelligence as much as they insult yours. Have some witty responses ready when your next Otopeni pirate cabbie approaches you, eyes darting for any nearby proper authority, offering his furtive, "Taxi, meester*?":

• "Good idea after that bumpy flight. I don't want to throw up in my own car.
• "No thanks, I only want the slowest and most expensive ride into town!"
• (only works if you and cabbie are both disheveled and unshaven males)"Only if I can ride up front with you, handsome." (caress his cheek with finger)

etc.

Of course, no guarantees that their answers won't backfire on you (like #3 saying "sure!"), but that's half the fun!

My favorite so far was the cabbie who flashed his genuine imitation Taxi Driver ID card (complete with taped-on photo and "Taxi Driver" written impressively above the crossed out "Universitatea din Bucuresti - Janitor") and said "See? I not with Mafia!"

I got in his face and with all the wiseguy accent I could muster, rumbled "Well I AM, you got a f***in' problem wid dat?" Again, this is a highly-tailored response as I can, with little effort, closely resemble a 2-meter tall semi-shaved ape from Jersey. Mostly because I AM a 2-meter tall semi-shaved ape from Jersey. Your results may vary and I encourage you to find your own tactics that best suit your gender, physical stature, personality, and maturity.

So now you know how to make your travel into Bucharest just a bit more entertaining. Give it a try!

- K -

*You will be called "Meester," regardless of gender and/or age.

From the Vault: Exact Change in Romanian Shops

Context: Expat Forum thread:

"If I had the right change or something smaller I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
by Harold Sacks
Posted Aug 3, 2009 6:54 PM

Sorry, about that. Had to get it off my chest.

I sometimes just want to ask them if they know why they are called "Cashiers" but i expect it would fall on deaf ears.

Ken H. Posted Aug 21, 2009 4:30 PM
Post #: 191

In case you think the "happy medium" is to give coinage so you get back an even note, forget it!

There's a small sweets store next to the office where we all run for life support during the long afternoons. The last time I went for my choc- er, nutrition fix, the bill came to 4.60 lei. The smallest bill I had was a 10 but I did have coins so I gave her 10.60 so I'd get a clean 6.00 back.

She stared at the money on the counter for a full 7 seconds. Doesn't sound like a long time? Just now, count it off to yourself and imagine that's how long someone is staring motionless with a line of customers waiting. Immediately after that I swear I heard a sound like a cross between a truck trying to shift without the clutch and the old teletype-style computer sound effect from the first Star Trek series. The cashier started blinking more and more rapidly and sweat started trickling, then pouring.

When I saw the first wisps of smoke coming from her eye sockets, I shouted "Everybody DUCK!" When I realized half the crowd hadn't moved and the other half was now frantically scanning for quacking waterfowl, I remembered where I was and this time shouted "JOS!" We hit the ground just as her head exploded. A wad of gum, launched in mid-chew, shattered a bottle of Alexandrion behind the register. One earring was later discovered firmly embedded in the far wall. There was far less gore than expected but the metallic odor of helium was almost overwhelming.

The commotion was so great, that the manager in the back office actually TURNED HIS HEAD AWAY from "Dan Diaconescu Direct." Peering through the doorway at the carnage, he sighed deeply and unfolded himself. Stalking to the register, he saw my payment on the counter and immediately nodded with understanding. Popping the cash drawer, he slapped down 6 lei with all the contempt he could muster. Then he grabbed a mop and shooshed us all out the door. When it slammed shut, he turned the sign to "Inchis" and, muttering all the while, unveiled a second sign, well-worn but still legible: "Angajam Personal."

I have since learned to maintain my desk with a stash of sweets brought from home.

- K -


Ken H. Posted Aug 25, 2009 11:32 PM
Post #: 196

In case it wasn't obvious, I did indulge in a bit of creative license in my account of events.

It was actually a bottle of Murfatlar behind the register.