Damp and Fishy-Smelling Heads Prevail...

Did you read about the scientists who researched what it would take to freeze Lake Erie solid?  The reason for this is that Lake Erie was calculated to be the amount of ice needed to cool down what has been one of the more unfortunate and embarrassing battles known to the planet. Well, make that to the country. Would you believe around town?  Okay, okay... at least to my devoted readers. Both of you know what I'm talking about... me and the ex.

After what has now become years of saber-rattling, accusations, and other paths to Mutually Assured Destruction, the latter-day Gorbachev and Reagan have finally taken steps to bury the 57-megaton missile hatchet for the sake of a peaceful family, if not world. (Cold War metaphors end here, I promise.)

No small part of arriving at this conclusion is that today is my birthday (slipped that in pretty smoothly, eh?) and such a day compels you to contemplate where your life is going. To this end I hereby endeavor to clean up my act, starting with this blog. There is so much stupidity and surrealism out there for me to write about without bringing my own family issues into it.  I offer my sincerest apologies for subjecting you to my dirty laundry, and with luck (or a U.N. peacekeeping task force, whichever comes first (wow, promise broken in less than one paragraph, a new record)), it shall not appear again. 

As we all know, it takes two to refuse to tango. But a first step is still crucial, whether you're dancing or not.

No Omment...

Photos of TV screen during commercial for upcoming Aerosmith Tour in Bucharest:




Official Aerosmith Tour Poster:


And the comment which is not being made is that someone was paid for this while i'm still looking for work...

He Who Lives By the Pixel...

Within the past few years, Bucharest has become overrun with "video billboards." Because regular billboards in the town, which cover not only all streets but all buildings over 5 floors as well, had become so invasive and ubiquitous that motorists had inevitably become numb to them (okay, you caught me; Bucharest motorists are generally numb to everything), advertisers and the elected criminals they pay off decided to take things to the next level.  Result: billboard-sized video screens; some erected on poles, some attached to buildings, frequently apartment blocs, thus blocking the windows of several flats at a time. Glaringly bright at all hours, literally blindingly so at night, often outshining all traffic lights in the immediate vicinity. To say nothing of the folks whose homes (specifically, bedroom windows) face opposite these monsters... but since I just said something, I suppose it's too late to say nothing.

Respite, however brief, comes from an unlikely source: Bill Gates.  It seems these billboards largely run the Microsoft Windows operating system, and you'll be happy to know that it performs as solid and dependably in the commercial world as it does on your own PC. But what, on your laptop, is an inexcusable negligent glitch, is, on these obnoxious paragons to advertising technology, a refreshing karmic hoist on their own petards.

You can see how bright these atrocities are, from the first photo showing it clearly visible in direct sunlight, to the last photo which shows how, at night, nothing near the screen is remotely visible. So the only consolation is moments like these, when their money and energy is clearly wasted, however briefly.

Less poetic or justice-y, but to a tech geek like me, still entertaining, are other examples of Windows faceplants in professional venues.  You wouldn't explicitly wish these people harm from their glitches, but you might take comfort in knowing your Blue Screen of Death has plenty of company in high places.

The internal "Info Channel" that the Cable TV company reserves on your service. This has happened since cable's earliest days.  I remember seeing similar Commodore Amiga error messages in the 90s.

The Departures Screens of Milan Airport. All of them. Ouch!

An ATM. Of course, the Windows glitch didn't cause money to fly out.

Ain't technology wonderful?

Asshole Parker of the Day

Jonathan Scheele, former EU ambassador to Romania says he cannot accept Romanians' "tendency of doing everything in the last moment - and not always completing what they have to do."

I mention this because the topic of today's photo - handicap access - falls squarely under this concern.  When I first arrived here in 2003, the worst handicap officially acknowledged in Romania was having to watch football sober. Since then, newer constructions (largely foreign owned) have sought to remedy this.  Ikea just outside town has a full row of at least 20 marked handicapped parking spots, among a few other notable examples. But in a rare native effort, BCR Bank on Unirii Blvd has a snazzy new wheelchair ramp. Not bad for about two decades later than the rest of the world.

 

So where does "not always completing" come in?  Like virtually everything involving legal provision in Romania (such as handicap access), enforcement to deter violations is nowhere to be found. Do I really need to mention that the handicap parking spots at Ikea are the very first ones to fill up in the morning, and with nary a limp visible among any driver or passenger? Ikea also has parking spots marked specifically for pregnant women, and apparently it's fine to park there if you simply have enough of a beer gut to look pregnant. In my country, his car gets towed for this. Here, he calls you stupid for not thinking of taking the spot before him.

 
But handicap parking spot abuse is as common as dust in this town, and not blogworthy even by my very low standards. No, the slimebag in these photos hits a new low: blocking the wheelchair ramp, of all things. And not just parking across it, but actually driving up  into it!
 

This goes beyond inconvenience, and straight into safety hazard. Certainly it's illegal, but that and 16 RON will get you a coffee at the local Starbucks.  For clarity: coffee at the local Starbucks costs 16 RON regardless... my point is that if you shout "criminal!" around here, at most someone might reply "Gesundheit." For civic duty to be ignored by this populace is a given. For it to be actively flouted takes a new depth of asshole. Hey, welcome to my town.

Must...Still...Not...Make...Comment!

But a bit of backstory may be needed here. Disregarding, for the moment, those silly World Health studies which prove all blog writers worldwide to be fetishists for pink-haired preteens, I was almost entirely made aware of "Lazy Town" because a local newspaper includes a DVD of episodes each week and my kid's watching them.  It's apparently a popular Iceland export, just above Bjork but below volcanic ash. I was actually made aware of the "Stephanie" doll (excuse me, Poseable Action Figure!) by a professional acquaintance who was pleased as punch to have found it for her young daughter... an avowed "Hannah Montana" fan.

Now honestly, could I look straight into the eye of this joyful nigh-unto-tears woman, bouncing-off-the-walls bursting with pride at her accomplishment and anticipation of her daughter's reaction, and tell her she'd bought the wrong thing?

Now honestly, could I look you straight into the eye and say if I did or not?

Hell yes I did. Choosing to hear it from me or from her daughter? No-brainer. I know how kids work. Hell hath no fury like a child who receives the wrong color Power Ranger. Remember "Addams Family Values" where the girl killed her parents for their birthday gift of Malibu Barbie when she'd wanted Ballerina Barbie? "Fiction," you decry? "Non-parent," I rejoin. So, while many lives were spared this day, it's not the point of my story.

Hannah and Stephanie; Separated at Birth?

Maybe around the bangs I can see it, but sure as shootin' your 6-year-old won't.

Turning over the package in my hand (I specify again, "turning over," not "fondling" so no paedo jokes, okay? If you're a regular reader you know my thing is rechargeable flashlights), I discovered this inexpensive Asian import's entertainment value went, as it stereotypically does, far beyond its intent once linguistics are factored in.  It is at this point beyond which words will fail me so we'll just finish with the photos...

"Latest with most the gift of vogue! The best choice with the best gift"

"best product comes from this product to rank first a"

Next time you get the urge to complain about your odds with the lottery, just try to fathom the odds of a country with over 1.3 billion people in it and apparently not one English proofreader...